Cigars, Adult Beverages & Formerly Nicotine-Stained Fingers - Part 1

Cigars, Adult Beverages & Formerly Nicotine-Stained Fingers – Part 1

To: The Right of Rush Limbaugh

With Love

By Lynne Wolfe

Friday, February 18th, 2021 —

How To Get On the Show

Dial 1-800-282-2882! And remember, the purpose of the call is to make the host look good! Except on Open Line Fridays when Rush said you can talk about anything. If only it were that easy. Hello everybody, I’m Lynne and I am a 30-year “ditto-head.” Sadly, after hundreds of tries – I never got through to Rush. I never even got through to a guest host. With an audience of 15-20 million at any given time, it’s no wonder. From old rotary, to push-button to cell – never fast enough. Liberals who got to the screener were bumped to the front of the line. I had no chance.

Seminar Callers

In the Slick-Willy Clinton years his enemies on the Left would hold seminars to teach Dems what to say to get by the Screener to make it to Rush. Over the years, “Bo Snerdly” learned to sniff them out. Yet, there were a few who made it past him. They were the most fun. Like cat and mouse, Rush could sniff ‘em out and toy with them long enough to let them doom themselves. He paraphrased Sun Tzu before it was cool. “Never interrupt an enemy in the process of destroying themselves.” Once they shut up, Rush would remind the audience – “If they could only tell the TRUTH, they wouldn’t wait two hours in the line!” Bo knows to put Libs first. There was a regular -(Interruption: reminder, 12:00 p.m. RUSH covers my screen. A bell rings. I’ll get through this, dammit!) I’d like to give the reader a laugh and keep from crying.

A liberal imbecile from Detroit became a regular call-in. She got so much play that I think she had a back-line. Her signature moment was during the ’08 race when she kept saying the “Chief Joints of Staff” should be the next President. – And other hilarious blunders. I believe Rush won her over with his patience, eventually.

The Parodies

Somehow, Rush found a genius celebrity impersonator named Paul Shanklin. Paul could imitate any and I mean any politician of note. He could also sing like a champ. The few people Paul couldn’t get, Rush would do himself. Rush would take old songs, change the lyrics and make the most profound, hilarious political satire of the latest Democrat Scandal du Jour. Shanklin has a couple of cds of the greatest hits. (Note to family: can I get them back?) For famed skirt-chaser and scotch-lover, Ted Kennedy, there was “The Philanderer,” set to Dion’s “The Wanderer.” For some of HRC’s early Congressional sworn testimony there was “Try to Remember, My brain’s in a blender – it’s JELLO.” Set to “Try to Remember,” by Harry Schmidt, sung by Jerry Orbach, (Law & Order) Harry Belafonte, the Brothers Four and more. Classic Hillary, “I’m sorry, I can’t recall…” Countless parodies of Race-Baiters, Sharpton and Jackson, “The Justice Brothers,” arguing with each other or shouting through a bullhorn. Slimy Cajun James Carville arguing with mush mouth Senator Fritz “Grits” Hollings, Democrat – who defiantly placed the Confederate Flag atop the South Carolina Capitol Dome during the Civil Rights era – as Governor. As a U. S. Senator in his latter term, Fritz complained about citizens’ spending, “Thaz too much consoomin’ goin’ on down heahh!” Rush nailed Hollings’ unmistakable drawl. He nicknamed Lindsey Graham, “Grahamnesty” over his willingness to compromise on Border Security. Rush’s derisively tag for John Kerry, was ‘who served in Vietnam.’

The “F” Word

Feminazi. During a Pro-Choice rally, Rush grabbed an audio-clip of one of the speakers. At the top of her lungs and with a bullhorn, she shrieked, “We’re Fierce, We’re Feminine and We’re In Your Face!” He sped up the audio repeating the phrase – to the pitch of a screaming toddler. He dubbed himself over, laughing hysterically and louder as the shrieking woman becomes a wailing brat. That’s one way to make the audience laugh.

Regarding feminism per se, you’ll need to read Rush’s Undeniable Truths. Either in “The Way Things Ought to Be” or “See, I Told You So” (after Clinton’s election.) They are best-sellers and classics they are humorous, yet wise. Rush is by no means a woman-hater. Anyone who listened knows that.

Feminazis are a by-product of the bra-burning 70’s Women’s’ Liberation movement. Equal pay for equal work is part of feminism. It was hijacked by the far-left Democrat Party, which views Abortion as their holy grail. Hence, the term, “feminazi” fits like a glove. Bloodlust has come to define the ultra-leftists. Women have donned pink genitalia caps and taken to the streets to defend this sacred rite to kill. Can’t think of a better term.

Radical feminism has emasculated men. The first effects were guys stopped opening doors for women for fear of being screamed at by a harpy. A man dares not compliment a woman on her attire, etc. for the same. Then, guys got so confused they just started losing their own masculinity, much to the dismay of a generation of females unable to find suitable mates. Hell, women are delaying marriage and childbirth so long that they must freeze their eggs.

Those of You from Rio Linda

A little town in California where the folks evidently have their heads in the sand, are willfully, woefully ignorant and happy to be that way. During Rush’s days on the radio in Sacramento, California, he made that observation. Anytime he was about to state the obvious, he would preface with, “For Those of You in Rio Linda” … Nowadays, does it seem as if the whole state is Rio Linda? Don’t give up on them yet. They are really trying to oust Newsom.

Drawing a Crowd

The Seattle Times covers the famous “Ken’s Bake Sale” the best:

FORT COLLINS, Colo. – Neither a seven-mile-long traffic jam nor a 20-minute downpour could keep away the conservative faithful.

An estimated 35,000 people descended on this city of 87,000 yesterday to hear conservative radio and television talk-show host Rush Limbaugh speak at Dan’s Bake Sale.

The fans arrived in cars, planes and tour buses from nearly every state to show their support of the “bake sale” Limbaugh has hyped on his national radio show for two months.

Although he spoke for about 10 minutes, his disciples weren’t disappointed.

“We are the majority of thinkers in the country,” Limbaugh said.

The crowd exploded with approval and cheered wildly after every phrase.

“Stick to your principles, folks. They may fear you for that, but that’s when you’ll make your point,” Limbaugh said.  (Read the whole article here.)

Operation Chaos

Rush Limbaugh was complicit in keeping Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign alive during her first run v. Barack Obama. In States where it was allowed, Rush asked listeners to vote in Democrat Primaries – for her. Then, vote for the Republican in the General. He whose name we don’t mention and his lovely running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin could beat HRC. Rush viewed her as unelectable. He knew how and especially why Obama would win. He knew the prospect this young man represented, at least symbolically, would win over substance. Plus, the Republican candidate had his own issues being completely overshadowed by the appeal of his running mate and a few of his scandals.

Rush has always held “Symbolism over Substance” in disdain. He ridiculed PC Hollywood and their AIDS’ sensitivity bows at he Oscars. “It means I CARE more than you. I’M wearing this ribbon, see?”


He said that within a decade or less, Big Government would be coming after your Food. Yep, straight for your Big Mac. Then, it’s going to be your soft drinks.

Doling out condoms in schools and teaching children the joys of autoeroticism, and legal drugs, as proclaimed by Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders was the best way to control unplanned pregnancies. Rush said the condom handouts were tacit approval for kids to have sex early and would only worsen out-of-wedlock pregnancies and increase abortions. A man of political acumen, Clinton forced her resignation in ’94. He had another election to win.

Most important and more recently … Rush was dining with the Trumps at Mar-a-Lago. Then-President-Elect Trump told him how glad he was to have the election over and how good it would be for the Media to let up. Rush told President Trump, “Sir, it is only going to get worse. I’m sorry to have to tell you that.”

The President was in for the battle of his career. He’s handled them quite well. And he is not done yet.


This season was the greatest joy of Rush’s broadcast year. You could just hear the fullness of his heart in December. He introduced Mannheim Steamroller and made them an overnight success with “Carol of the Bells” in a symphonic manner that gave me chills. Countless stories abound of Rush’s anonymous kindness and generosity to people down and out. I have no doubt more will be revealed. Giving is what he did best. Right up to the end. His favorite gadgets, the Apple iPhone fascinated him — so much so that he’d give random callers with old phones the latest iteration in their choice of colors. Apple never paid him a dime, but I do believe they (wisely) supplied him with the latest and greatest for gifting.


Caved to political pressure and pulled their sponsorship. Not much later, Rush started “Two if By Tea,” a precursor to the Rush Revere children’s book series (with adult versions in the works). Rush would not be deterred. Before President Trump, he took the hate and it rolled off his back like a greasy duck and turned into gold.

The Weight

He told one of his first callers, “I look like a whale” and have a face for radio. When he started his hit TV show, the fat jokes were relentless. He disliked the make-up and the hot lights and the sweating. The now disgraced Al Franken wrote, “Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot.” Anything with Rush’s name on it could sell. And again, the Left cannot tender an effective justification for their worldview. Personal attacks are the last resort of very, very weak minds.


Having broadcast starting at the age of 16, all the years of sitting in a chair ruined his spine, resulting in excruciating back pain. His portliness and bad golf-swing did not help the injury. He humbly announced to his listeners that he was addicted to painkillers , that he would be gone for at least 30 days to get himself clean. The press had a field day and law enforcement saw to it that he was prosecuted.

He returned triumphant and stronger. At no time during his show did I ever pick up on any signs of impairment. If the back pain is severe enough, you won’t hear it in a man’s voice. At least not this one. This fall from Grace did nothing but endear him to the audience and show his humility.

“My Little Tech Bloggers”

That is what affectionally named the large group of Silicon Valley wannabes and the like folks who couldn’t get enough of the latest and best tech gadgets coming out. He joined them anonymously online and learned from them and maybe they learned from him.  I wonder if he told them who they were chatting with before he died. Maybe there’s hope for these young, liberal techies after all.

Patsy’s Restaurant – A Kiss

While in New York City, Rush fell in love with the iconic Patsy’s Italian Restaurant, 236 W 56th St.  There’s a bronze statue of Frank Sinatra at the entry and the walls are covered with autographed photos of famous patrons. On a 2002 visit, post 9/11 – I treated myself to a New York trip. I had just come through a painful divorce and needed to get away. I also wanted to pay my respects at Ground Zero and deliver a batch of gifts to the Redhook Raiders in Brooklyn. The ladder and engine firehouse that lost 7 firefighters.

Because Rush loved it so much, I had to get to Patsy’s for some of his favorite food. When I went to powder my nose, I asked the owner if Rush’s picture was there. He led me down one flight of stairs to find it. In addition to powder, I put on an extra layer of red lipstick. As I returned to my table, I checked around to make sure no one could see me as I planted a big red kiss on Rush’s picture at Patsy’s. Dim stairway. I wonder how long it took to catch the lipstick on the glass.

Patsy’s is “closed temporarily” due to shutdowns in NYC. Rush said recently he’d called to check how Sal (third generation owner) was holding up.

So, I never got through as a caller, but I did get a thank you card for the emails I sent after his diagnosis, signed by the Limbaughs. On the front was a full color picture of Rush receiving the Presidential Medal of Honor in a moving address at the 2020 State of The Union address by President Trump.

Hope for The Republic

Rush’s Legacy is filled with Hope about how we can save and keep our Republic. His Life was dedicated to it. All we must do is have a closer look at his principles, his philosophy and optimistic view of Americans.

We will examine the reasons for his belief in Americans, rather than Government – In a follow-up segment. There is so much to cover.

~~Watch for “Cigars, Adult Beverages and Formerly Nicotine-Stained Hands”, follow up.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments